Monday, January 23, 2012

# 57

In the back of my mind I was deliberating if I should tell Leeya about the mix up with the unmarked switch I never noticed. My head was throbbing just going over the different ways the conversation would even play out. She would get mad and try to kill me turning into a full on "thing". It was unlikely but the other play that ran over and over inside of my head was that she would never trust me again or even be able to depend on me. I sucked it up and swallowed the pill hard and came to the conclusion that while it would be an epic man up situation to own up to the error it would lead to other issues down the road. I knew if she was none the wiser to the switch that she would still listen to and trust my judgment....the judgement I was beginning to doubt my damn self. So far i had been shot several time and Leeya had been bitten. Not to mention Bob freaking out and having to be offed, or his friend Brent wanting my head as well. Was my judgement so great that I need to protect myself from scrutiny? I knew one way or the other she was going to judge me as well when she learned of it and decided while heading down the road the path I would choose.

The road was still pretty clear on this end and I could not for the heck of me figure out where the massive panic was. What happened to everyone running for their live? Where is the hordes and throngs of vehicles all running for safety? Non of this was making sense and it was even less likely I would ever find out what caused all of this and why.

A stumble and thud behind me signaled the awakening of Leeya and she was struggling to get out of our bed. I half wanted to turn around and see her and keep my eyes on her but also knew that to have her trust me in all of this I would have to show equal trust and not worry where she was like she was on the verge of biting me all the time. To say it was easy was a lie because in the back of my mind every time she woke up I expected her to be a "thing" and try to kill me. But she walked up behind me , planting her cold , cold hand on my shoulder and kissing me on my gruesome neck with her frozen lips. "Hey baby you want something to eat ?" She asked in a cold emotionless voice. "Sure what do you have ?" I replied in a monotone voice as well. She got back up and walked to the kitchenette and started rummaging through everything in the cupboards. "Not much but a few odds and ends, want a pop tart ? " It sounded like a good idea so I agreed and Leeya brought over a pack of them and handed them to me. I reached over to open them but they were already half opened. "Thanks baby" I said with a smile and reached inside to pull one out , then handed it to her. "No thanks I really don't have much of an appetite" she proclaimed. I looked down to her wrists and she got nervous and moved them from view. "Are you alright ? You had me scared to death. We should talk a bit." I said and started to pull the RV to a stop.

She nodded no with a side movement and stated " It really is non of your concern what I did or why". I looked at her in almost disbelief " You have to be fucking kidding me. You sliced your wrists and now it's non of MY concern?  What then should I have let you bleed out? Is that what would have been more in keeping with my concerns? " She looked at me and then had a colder than already apparent look and spit "If you were so concerned you wouldn't have let me get bitten would you ? Wasn't it your concern then to keep me safe? Or is it just now? Did you need me to be as fucked up as you to be OK with me?" I was stumped wow where did this come from, but before I could finish my thought she started to cry hysterically. " I"m so sorry I'M so fucking sorry that I just said that to you, I don't know why I just said that what is wrong with me, Baby please don't listen to that i didn't mean any of it" She wailed while clawing at my arm and trying to get me to put my arm around her. I did because I am a guy and a sucker for this whole damsel in distress act what can I say. I held her tightly and she cried for a solid five minutes the type of cry you expect to hear from someone who learned of a terrible tragedy. She was taking it hard and from her response and cries of forgiveness I could tell she was not only sorry for hurting my feelings but also for not being able to stop from saying it. This half transformation or half infection or residual effects from the bite with chemo had her losing her ability to control what she said and what she thought from merging.

I held her tight and prepared for the storm that was awaiting my confession of the dual tank switch and if she would tear me for it or wait and slip up later. First thing was first and I waited until she had stopped crying and held her about 12 inches from my face and looked her right in her hazed silver eyes. "Leeya I am with you one hundred and ten percent and will not I repeat will not give up on you ever. I need you to stop trying to give up on me , us and specially on you. If there is some way to sure this or get you back to the way you were before the bite know this one thing I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES and that is my promise to you". She stopped crying and looked at me as a tear started to frost on her cheek "I will but you have to help me I don't have control over myself all the time". I nodded and pulled her into my chest and she sobbed a bit more.

When she stopped I looked her in the eyes again and told her about the dual tanks and how they had a switch that was not marked and I had not even noticed it before. She nodded and then went back to my chest and fell silent. I had the inclination she was going to be pissed or even light me up with another hateful word or two but she didn't she just cried a bit and then pulled away and looked at me a bit. " I remember reading that in the manual at some point while you were driving I just forgot to tell you, so it's not your fault, it was just an accident". Then she kissed my neck and started to get real touchy feely. I let her do what she needed to feel better and then we headed back out to the Hotel. In a way it would be nice to see the old gang again and get some information from Fred. We had plenty of gas to make it there and it was still early enough to find us there before nightfall. I put the pedal down to make up some time and we headed to the Hotel and whatever else was a ahead for us.

It didn't take long for the whatever to happen as a group of "things" came out of the side of the road where a car was overturned to charge at the RV. I just kept my eyes forward as the clunk of bodies slamming into the side of the RV were making the sickening sound of people whacking a bus and going under the tires. Leeya put her head down and sobbed some more but more of a sniffle here and there than a full cry. I tried to keep my head in the drive as just the feeling of her grasping the side of my arm made me tingle with feelings for her and the plight of what she was facing and going through. I had a feeling I was falling in with this girl and that only complicated things since she was half "thing" and half herself.

The rest of the ride was pretty easy as it was the way down this time. We made good time and we were almost at the exit for the Hotel by the earl onset of the sun setting. Leeya was asleep in the bed behind me, she slept a lot now and I wondered if some part of the whole thing was incubation or if she was just beat from her internal struggles. We took the exit for the Hotel hot and heavy I wasn't going to go easy and let that group from before get any chance to see us going into the lot of the Hotel. We pulled into the lot and headed straight into the back where the entrance we had used before was. When I turned the corner something was definitely different. The entire doorway we had barricaded was now gaping hole, like a grenade or bomb had removed it and the rest of the surrounding area was blackened as if burned by something. I told Leeya to lock me out and went to look around.

1 comment:

  1. Well, at least they have talked about it. Not sure if she 'gets' it all, yet. She seems majorly confused!