Monday, January 23, 2012

# 56

My feet are on the beach and I am sitting in the sand again. Wind is crisp and blowing softly through the palm trees. In the distance I can hear someone laughing and people splashing water in the surf. The sand is still so hot and welcoming that I keep moving my feet around while buried to get more hot sand to touch them. Reaching over I grab an ice cold one and start to take a few drinks. To my left is my lady and she has a huge brimmed tropical sun hat on with big sunglasses. She sips a mixed concoction that has an umbrella sticking out of it and looks like a sunset from the side. Ahhh life isn't any better than this as I close my eyes and hear the waves crashing down on the shore. Just feeling the sun on my skin and the wind in my face I could be anyone anywhere warm it wouldn't matter. Right now with my eyes closed I am in heaven.

Leeya shook me awake and her cold hand woke me before the shaking motion did. I started to roll out of bed and she stared at me with those silver hazed eyes. "How is the leg" she said almost boss like to a subordinate. "It's sore but looks better than yesterday" I retorted. It was getting better little by little but the infection was the part that scared me, I was doing everything to stop it. The night before was a strange one , sort of made me understand what necrophilia must be like... if the body moved and was into it. Sounds creepy I know but it was how it was and I wasn't about to say anything about it to her. She was trying her hardest to be herself but there was an inner struggle she wasn't telling me that was obvious. I don't think she could get it into words but I would be there to do whatever I could to help her win the battle. The chemo appeared to have stopped her from turning into one of those "things" but she either had been bitten for too long or the chemo wasn't quite enough, whatever the reason she was like stuck between Leeya and the "thing". I hoped there was some way of stopping it from either staying this way or progressing.

Leeya went to the shower and took an abnormal amount of time as usual in there. I never went inside to see what was going on but there wasn't any noise or commotion so it seemed to be fine inside the bathroom. I limped over to the kitchenette and started the process of taking off the bandages and soaking my leg in peroxide. We were almost out of peroxide but I did have Epsom salts so it was going to be a different burn soon enough. I grabbed the little mirror that Leeya had for make up and while soaking my leg I checked on my face. Wow if I were a dog I would shave my butt and walk backwards was a fitting description. After a quick exam of my face I checked out my neck which looked like my face but not as bad. Overall I was starting to wonder if we ran into a couple that looked like us would we start shooting? What would I think? We sort of look like a zombie and the guy she bit at this point. i had to smirk at the thought of it.

The shower finally stopped and then I heard a thump in the bathroom. I got up and called for her but got no answer and started walking if you can call it that. I turned the knob for the small bathroom and the door was stuck. I pushed hard and couldn't get it to open but an inch. I pushed hard and had my leg burning with pain and as i got it open a bit more in the mirror over the sink I could see Leeya was against the door and appeared out like a light. I wedged myself into the jamb and finally popped my body through it and got into the bathroom. Leeya lay there naked and unconscious with both of her wrists slashed, she was paler than ever. Fortunately she slashed them side to side if it were up and down I think she would have needed a surgeon. I Grabbed her and got her wrapped in a  towel and brought her to the bed. Then got every piece of first aid kit we had and started to work on her. I cleaned the cuts and then did what I could to bandage them up. Why she did this is beyond me maybe she was losing her battle or had a moment of submission. Maybe the weight of the world caught up to her, or she just had enough. We lay in bed while i stroked the cold woman next to me's hair. I had her wrapped in a towel and three blankets and yet she was ice cold.

I nodded off after an hour and went back to the beach. Leeya woke me up when she moved against me trying to sleep. I was relieved that she was moving at all, she had a faint heartbeat and slow pulse, something I had not really got a baseline for. She must always have a slow pulse that is faint, she is damn near see through. I checked it on the side of her neck again and it was unchanged but she seemed fine. Taking her hand out of the covers I peeled the bandages back and the slices in the wrists looked like scars already , like they healed. How can that be? I thought to myself. Is it because of her being half way? I don't get it the fully changed ones don't heal at all why is she rapidly healing? The changes to her were more than my public school educated mind could fathom and I wished I could bring her somewhere that greater minds than mine could see what was going on. I wanted to protect her and make her better but in the world we were in, being alive was as good as I could do.

It was time to make the donuts so to speak and unlike yesterday it was much easier to keep my back to Leeya now having had an entire night of sleeping next to her , to now have her behind me sleeping was no big deal. I fired up the RV and started to back it out. The awning made a god awful noise scraping across the hut we were wedged in. I used the back up camera and got out out of the hut, but now with the day ahead of us and not such a panic to park I was much more aware of the chance of cutting a tire on the scraps of metal everywhere in the junkyard. I managed to maneuver through it all and get us back on the road to the highway. Fortunately it was right there and we were out in a matter of minutes and down the highway. The road from here back was clear last time so I had a moment of comfortable sigh and started to make up some time. While driving I scanned the dash and looked in awe at the switch I wish in my panic of being out of gas earlier I would have noticed it said A-B and went to either side. My stomach dropped and I slide it to B and watched the gas gauge move to full. The RV had dual tanks and I had fuel this whole time. The guilt of not seeing this earlier made me hate myself. Leeya was attacked getting fuel , it was all my fault.